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166 DR. BABASAHEB AMBEDKAR : WRITINGS AND SPEECHES
relatives and friends, asked: “Where is Yeshodhara ?” and on being informed that she had refused to come, he rose straightaway and went to her apartment.
II
“I am free,” the Blessed One said to his disciples Sariputta and Moggallana whom he had bidden to accompany him into Yeshodhara’s chamber; “But Yeshodhara, however, is not as yet free. Not having seen me for a long time, she is exceedingly sorrowful. Unless her grief be allowed to run its course her heart will cleave. Should she touch the Tathagata, the Holy One, you must not prevent her.”
Yeshodhara sat in her room in deep reflection. When the Blessed One entered, she was, from the abundance of her affection, like an overflowing vessel, unable to contain herself.
Forgetting that the man whom she loved was Buddha, the Lord of the World, the Preacher of Truth, she held him by his feet and wept bitterly.
Remembering, however, that Suddhodana was present, she felt ashamed and rose up, sitting herself reverently at a little distance.
Suddhodana apologized for Yeshodhara, saying: “This arises from her deep affection, and is more than a temporary emotion. During the seven years that she has lost her husband, when she heard that Siddharth had shaved his head, she did likewise; when she heard that he had left off the use of perfumes and ornaments she also refused their use. Like her husband she has eaten at appointed times from an earthen bowl only.
“If this is more than a temporary emotion it is not for want of courage.”
And the Blessed One spoke to Yeshodhara telling of her great merits and the great courage she showed when he took Parivraja. Her purity, her gentleness, her devotion had been invaluable to him as a Bodhisattva when he aspired to the highest aim of mankind to attain enlightenment. This, then, was her karma, and it was the result of great merits.
Her grief had been unspeakable, and the glory that surrounded her spiritual inheritance increased